Divorcing the Robot

It’s only tangentially related to the topic of this blog, but just so you know: my ranting, bitter denunciation of Facebook is live today here.

(For reasons I don’t understand, Google isn’t indexing the post on Medium.com, so I’m copying it after the break here. The original is much nicer to look at, of course.)

Facebook vs. Your Soul

My Doomed Manifesto Against The Robot That Ate my Social Life and the Mechanisation of Gossip

I was just like you. I am just like you.

The ‘f’ beckons to me. It sucks me in. It knows just how to push my buttons. How to tease me. How to pull me in.

The f has a direct line to my dopamine reward system.

For years, it was fun. I had great times. It made me feel close with old friends, long-lost cousins. The sight of that f was soothing, I found solace in its promise of never-ending distraction.

This promise of benign escape is powerful, but it’s built on the denial of realities that were never hidden, yet were still somehow repressed: the f uses me.

I am its means, not its end.

The f monetizes my distraction in return for a fleeting illusion of sociability.

We don’t usually think of Facebook as a robot. But that’s what it is.

A machine for producing an easy facsimile of a social life, one stripped of the risks and the sweat and the awkwardness and the depth.

Spending time on Facebook is to socializing what masturbation is to sex.

On some level, we know this.

Through an involved process of trial and error involving the exhaustive, ongoing dissection of billions of pieces of data, the f has identified precisely what each of us wants to hear.

On that foundation, it has extended an iron promise to us to keep delivering it, ceaselessly, forever.

We’re trapped.

Like a rat in a cocaine-dispensing lab cage, we’re just going to keep pressing that lever over and over for one more hit, forever.

The first step is to accept that, humbly.

Once we do, we can start to divine the shape of the trap, its scope and its scale, its features and its quirks.

We need to know our prison intimately, map it in careful detail, before we can start to devise a plan to tunnel out of it.

The first step, though, is to see it clearly:

It’s a trap,
and we’re in it.
What exactly is it that we’re doing when we post on Facebook? What is the service that Facebook provides? What is the quid we get in response for our attention-share quo?

We understand, vaguely, that not every single thing each of our friends writes on Facebook is served up to us when we log on. We’re aware, dimly, that there is some secret sauce picking out some posts and shielding us from others. But we seldom want to inquire further.

The f relies on us not to inquire further.

Let us inquire further.

For the average Facebook user, the proportion of friends’ posts that will ever be brought to your attention is a tiny fraction of the whole. This brings us to a first, crucial insight:

Facebook’s basic function is to hide what our friends are doing from us.

That is its killer feature.

There are dozens, hundreds of other apps and websites out there to show you what your friends are doing. By and large, they’re not nearly as successful.

Only Facebook had the vision to turn the premise on its head.

While the competition leaves us defenseless in the face of the firehose torrent of inanities our nearest and dearest spew, the f specializes in sifting through the muck. The robot weeds out the bulk of it, sparing us the worst of the stuff the horrible people we have the misfortune to call “friends” share with it. The f saves us from the embarrassment and the stultifying boredom of being friends with our friends.

Make no mistake: the f is thorough. It weeds out anything that might bore us or upset us or in any way challenge the boundries of our personal comfort zone, wherever those boundries might be drawn.

Facebook is a breakthrough technology for the automation of censorship.

Facebook makes it its business to know what you don’t want to know before you suffer the indignity of knowing it.

It shields you from that fate via the simple, elegant expedient of not telling you.
It isn’t perfect.


But that is its its logic and its goal: the end state it is working toward. Leveraging a mountain of cash and data and misallocating the talents of some of the greatest software minds of our time, the f comes closer to fulfilling its promise every single day.

This is, to be sure, the opposite of what we tell ourselves the f is for. We imagine we’re going into the f to “keep up with our friends”.

In doing so, we accept the fiction that the robot is relatively transparent, that it presents us a view of our social field that is in some sense genuine, undistorted, neutral.

The robot asks us to trust it with a fundamental building block of our humanity: our sociability.

It needs us to trust it, to believe it’s doing what a very close, very social friend would do for us: pick out the very best gossip, and shut up about the rest.

But there’s a fundamental asymmetry at work here.

What the f needs from us is different from what we need it to need from us.

Unlike a good, trustworthy friend who happens a be a bit of a gossip, the f is entirely amoral. It engages us purely to profit from us.

If a friend insisted on mentioning a product he’s contractually obligated to promote in every annecdote, we’d quickly peg him for a psychopath. We’d wonder if it was a good idea to keep spending time with him. Somehow, on the f, we accept it.

Driven by this imperative, the social field the f presents us is fundamentally distorted, drained of humanity, emptied of seriousness, dumbed down and idiotized until all our social lives look the same: one big mass of holidays and smiling kids, uplifting memes, funny videos or “edgy” political content we just happen to completely agree with every single time…a sprawling blob of virality clinically emptied of meaning. For f’s sake.

Our relationship with this content stream long ago turned schizophrenic: we can’t get enough of it, but we secretly loathe it, and ourselves for falling pray to it.
This came home to me with terrifying precision watching this video — mislabeled college humor despite being possibly the most terrifying three minutes on YouTube:

180 seconds of existential dread masquerading as a funny video
There’s a riff in there about “drifting from tab to tab full of content you hate like a hungry ghost who will never be full” that captures the experience of being ruthlessly exploited by the f day after day better than just about anything else I’ve seen online.

The video pitches itself as a condemnation of the Internet writ large, but let’s be clear: it’s not the Internet that leaves you feeling like your brain just ate at the world’s most MSGy Chinese restaurant.

It’s Facebook that does that.

Maybe it was Caleb Garling’s brilliant post on how simple — and gross — it is to trick the f’s algorithm into thinking you’re posting important news about your life. Maybe it was the classic Dangerous Minds rant against having to pay the f for the privilege of communicating with people who’ve already told the f they want to hear from you.

I can’t exactly tell.

But in the end, understanding why I’ve had enough is really not that hard.

As a writer, I specialize in Facebook algorithm kryptonite.

I write about war and famine in the most screwed up parts of Africa.

I specialize in the kind of story Facebook’s algorithm finds positively toxic.

Stories about victims of war sleeping in UN Camps standing knee-deep in pools of their own shit with their infants in their arms.

That actually happened. No, not years ago: last week.
But of course you didn’t hear about it, because this is the kind of image Facebook will never in a million years show you.

I write things people need to know about but don’t want to hear about.

I post them on Facebook.

I see them die.
At first I thought my friends were a bunch of callous shits.

Then it dawned on me. My friends aren’t ignoring these stories. The f just isn’t showing them to them. Why would it?

I post things that make people uncomfortable; there is no room for that on the f.

Am I bitter? You better believe I’m bitter.

Day in and day out I see the way Facebook sanitizes my friends’ experience of their social lives. I see the way it flatters and flattens, the way it homogenizes and obstructs, the way it drains sociability of intimacy and depth and meaning.

I’ve seen how efficiently it identifies your comfort zone and how ruthlessly it exploits that knowledge.

I understand exactly how appealing it can be. Then, at some point, something broke. Or clicked. Or both.

The Robot isn’t benign.

Its evil lies far from the places we’re used to looking for it.

It has nothing to do with your privacy, or with the Messenger app screwing around with your phone’s camera. It’s not even about the way it saps your productivity.

Facebook corrodes your soul.

It deadens you.

32 thoughts on “Divorcing the Robot”

  1. Hello. In the sci-fi world of (author) Phillip K. Dick he create, in a story I can’t remember, a robot that harasses people with advertisements. A HarassBot? You can never divorce the robot. 😦

    1. Soon enough we’ll be paying a quarter to get through our own front doors (ubik). Want to go outside? Just watch a thirty second advertisement…..

  2. Bravo. Loved your candid rant on the evils of the F. How we’re getting “F’d” by the F. I find myself wanting to close shop and move on as before they existed. Why is it so difficult even when I hate celebrity gossip, I hate celebrity death updates, I hate retail advertisements, memes, animal videos, the list goes on. If I don’t watch commercials on television why would I want them here? But why is it difficult to say “I’ve had enough”? Why do I feel advertising my own blog on the F is the only effective way to reach the masses? Maybe it’s because the masses have been mind controlled as a whole and I can no longer reach them via phone or snail mail or even in person. It’s a bad case of The Body Snatchers.

  3. You know there is a sight that i to find just as absorbing as your F as you put it. Its called imvu. Sucks you in and takes you away from what is in front of you. Though IMVU is mostly just fantasy for a grouping of writers to write story’s on going with each other. It still does as the Facebook does to you. Takes you over in some level. You become hollowed out.

  4. Thank you for the ego boost. I felt a creepy shudder when Facebook first hit the internet so I never opened an account. My friends told me to check out their photos there but I never opened an account. My colleagues were doing business on it but I never opened an account. Local stores were offering exclusive deals to Facebook users but I never opened an account.

    And here we are, years and years later. My friends are complaining about other peoples’ photos, my colleagues have learned that nothing substitutes for your own private dot com, and local businesses extend you the Facebook coupon deal, anyway, if you simply ask a manager. And every day, Zuckerberg is revealing himself to be more and more of a flying monkey.

    And I am happy, serene, ad-free. Neener, neener.

  5. Excellent post! Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, I have never been on Facebook. Why? Because I’m really not that interesting and I don’t care what my friends are doing every moment of the day. If it’s important enough, they’ll tell me. We have our good times together, in the real world, and frankly that’s enough for us. Also we all know that not everything has to be on Facebook, tweeted or Instagramed. Some adventures should just be good memories that we can all interpret in our own way and not be out there for the whole world to see.

  6. I don’t know if it’s cause I’ve had too many wines, or cause I just watched over a teary hour of R Williams casting magic all over my laptop screen and now feel oddly empty inside, but this post scared the fuck outta me… and… and… all I wanna do is check my f. Fuck.

  7. If you are trying to spread the word, you should try posting to reddit. It’s largely moderated by humans voting on submissions, though timing does play a role. The downside is that reddit is a time consuming mistress. You’ve been warned.

  8. Reblogged this on slotherland and commented:
    It’s a hobby, a habit, an addiction, a friend, a mother, a secret lover, whatever perverse thing you want to name it. The F is a fundamental part of our lives now, and it might not be long before we’re living in a dystopian nightmare.

  9. I’m coming to be sick of Facebook too, but it’s too convenient a way to message friends, either those who are in other countries or not on IRC, Twitter or Skype.

    I’ve been promoting my artwork and web design on there, but how much of it is actually seen by my friends I don’t have a clue. Before too long I’m hoping to be rid of the big F, see how much of a difference it makes to my motivation and inspiration.

  10. Very good post.
    I open an f account late, like a couple years ago. I figured it out pretty soon that f displayed to me only a selection of my friends posts. If you are aware of the fact you can manage it. It’s like any other modern media. It’s about business, commercial, money. You are the product. But it’s not that you can’t choose. f is not the only social, it’s not the only source of information, it doesn’t make your friends disappear in another reality. It’s just the new drug in town.

  11. Excellent interesting article. Another evil f’d up thing about “the f” — love that you call Facebook “the f” — that’s great! 🙂 I stopped using “the f” well over two years ago and just when I get tempted to get back on I hear another terrible table … so thank you for helping stay away from this bot.

    Anyway, check out my board on Pinterest called “Facebook — noooooooooooo!”:

  12. “The f saves us from the embarrassment and the stultifying boredom of being friends with our friends.” Great line! I absolutely agree. Who needs face to face social interaction with our friends?

  13. I have not grown accustomed to reading many blogs, but I figured I would give it a whirl and spend five minutes reading after spending ten minutes ranting on my own. I have given much thought to this, and I was impressed by how quickly I was lured in, from your title to your few opening lines…very impressive. I agree, although I am one of “those” who finds themselves endlessly tapping on the “f” and scrolling through feeds of old news, repetitive news, hoping to find a piece of good news that will fulfill that craving of feeling connected. Well written and spoke volumes of truth.

  14. This is an excellent post. I myself loathe using my f account, which I opened as a teenager, but now I’m required to have one for certain courses on university, so all thoughts of closing my account are just out the window. Looks like I’ve been f’d by the f…

    Thanks for sharing!

  15. ”Facebook corrodes your soul.

    It deadens you.” – Strange you say this i was wondering on if the ‘you to i thought it was only me’ may just excist here on the blogging sites, yay i can shout it really isn’t only me, only what you say is so true!

    Why i can relate to what you say- i was blogging has one of those ole windows live spacers from 2007-2009 when it moved to wordpress, alot happened in 2009 now even though peeps had posted across the net to avoid fb and the amount of peeps that where blogging about it across windows live spaces for some reason in 2009 i don’t know what the hell possessed me to even set up a fb account, my family? maybe my cousins? those past friends, like i say alot happened in 2009 and i still today cannot find a why to why i done it, why i set up a fb profile after being on the net for so long, but i did in the june of 2009 by the september i had one set of damage by the following november another set of damage 5 years later and yes fb is still the topic of convo across the net at least 5 years on i can at least say nope i’m not the only one damaged in some way via that website we seem to still go back to, …..maybe it’s just so mark whats-his-name knows we still alive even if it is minus our smiles 🙂

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